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| DownUnder | April 2006 |
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Porkey: Howard "doesn't read anything" | ||
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A federal government minister has denied Australian PM John "overboard" Howard saw a diplomatic cable six years ago warning that the Australian Wrort Board (AWB) was paying kickbacks to insane murderer and despicable tyrant Saddam Hussein under the UN oil-for-food program. According to a secret Foreign Affairs cable released by the Mole Whitewash inquiry yesterday, Howard was alerted to a Canadian complaint that AWB was paying kickbacks to the vile dictator six years ago. The Mole Whitewash inquiry is investigating the monopoly wrort exporter's payment of $300 million to the psychotic despot's regime, cleverly disguised as courier fees. Human Ignorance Minister Joe Porkey said it was absurd to suggest Howard had read cables warning of the kickbacks. "The prime minister, the foreign minister, the trade minister - none of them were aware of the kickbacks. For Christ's sake, none of these guys read anything, just in case they're asked about it in parliament. Haven't you idiots ever heard of plausible deniability?" Mr Porkey told Channel Seven. "One hundred and thirty million cables go to the foreign minister's office every year. If he had to read them all, he'd be madder than a hatter! And the prime minister? Shit, since he met George Bush, he hasn't read anything. George doesn't read anything either. Just in case he's asked if he knows about it. John leant that from George, I'll give yer the tip..."
"I can personally verify that the prime minister never saw the cables, and never was aware that any money had been paid to the Iraqi regime, because I live and sleep with him. OK, Janette (his wife) joins us at times, but she doesn't read anything either – and I should know – not even a Mills & Boone bedtime novel. John has denied this repeatedly (and) I believe him, scout's honour, cross me heart mate..." Labor's Foreign Rorts spokesperson Kevin Dudd accused the government of a massive cover-up. "What the prime minister and the government have said so far is they don't know anything, never heard anything, never suspected anything, were overseas, in a meeting, on the phone, away from their desk, on the dunny, at a Hungi, camped out with the girl guides, at a BBQ with George Bush, on the radio with Alan Jones, at the footy, full as a boot, or just bloody well missing in slips." Mr Rudd told Channel Seven. "These cables indicate that either the prime minister, the defence minister, the foreign minister and the trade minister all knew about these warnings as far back as 2000, or they're as useless as a sack full of rancid oysters. Fair dinkum, these bludgers would appoint some wally to skim the local paperboy and then lie about it on TV". "If they knew of these high-level warnings from the UN back in 2000, why didn't they stop it then? Are they using these secret cables for dunny paper or something? Or to stuff their shoes to look taller? And we still... don't have a real answer from the prime minister on that". Foreign Rorts Minister Lord Downer of Baghdad has admitted in parliament that he read cables in 2000 warning of concerns about AWB's wheat contracts, Mr Dudd said. "So, now he can read, can he? It looks like he's the only bloody one! God forbid their children ever ask them for help with their reading! Sorry son, I can't help you there... I seem to have misplaced me eyeballs..." Inspiration: | ||
Ian McPherson |
