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| GenXnow | November 2002 |
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Attacking November November is a curious month. By now, you're behind in your studies and have given up all hope to catch up any time soon. After meticulously high-lighting every paragraph in advanced philosophy and writing in every nook of every margin you've realized that nobody likes you in class. They don't, because you always have the right answer. Your butt kissing strategy of appearing engaged in the lectures hasn't worked either: your professor needs something to talk about for 90 minutes so she refuses to admit that you're right, dismisses your point, and refuses to call you for the rest of the class. This is as it should be. So what should you be doing, you ask? May I respectfully submit that you get closer to those nearest and dearest to you. That's right. You're going to get cozy with the family. Here is a comprehensive strategy for schmoozing over the Thanksgiving weekend break. Attack: The Starving Student Mothers are always concerned that their children are eating well1. With Thanksgiving just around the corner, begin whining about how awful the meal plan is in your college. Your parents are sure to feel guilty about shelling out 8,000 bucks to have someone else feed their little baby. Nothing is more heart warming to parents than knowing they filled your little tummy with all the goodness of a home cooked meal. Note: It doesn't really matter that you stopped eating at home when you got to high school because the food was terrible and you could always bilk 5 bucks from your folks so that you could eat McDonalds with your friends. If you play your cards right, you'll2 be sure to receive plenty of Thanksgiving leftovers AND some extra cash so you can "get yourself a good hot meal" instead of eating pizza and hamburgers at the café everyday. You'll still be eating the same food when you get back to campus, but you've achieved an important objective, however. You've just secured the money with which to buy your parents their holiday gifts! Don't be an idiot and blow the cash on your next date or drinking binge. Defense: "So what are your plans..." The correct answer is, "In fact, after careful consideration of all my options, I've become fascinated with (pick one) law, medicine, business, or engineering." Wait to make this little speech at the Thanksgiving table3 so everyone can hear. Don't kid yourself. Your parents are not sending you to school for their health. You're their Social Security 20 years from now. The piano lessons and talent shows didn't quite turn out as planned, and you couldn't get on a JV team at a NCAA Division IV community college if your life depended on it. So then, you're going to have to use your brain to make money. The operative phrase is "to make money." Remember, this trip home is different from all others. It isn't just about the free laundry this time. You're home to sell piece of mind, so let them think you're running for president if it makes them feel better. If you happen to actually run for president, you'll be one up on your opponents since you will already know the value of assuring older people of money in their future. The Resolution: T'was the Night Before Monday and all Through the House... The night before you leave to go back to school, pull an all-nighter with the biggest textbook you have. Make sure the family can see you. This does two things. First, it delays your parents from coming to the conclusion that you are a slacker. You don't want to give the impression that you had nothing to do over the holiday weekend. You are your parents' child. They know you. They know that you're not ahead in school. Nobody is, except your workaholic friends who are actually studying rather than reading this article. Nevertheless, they'll feel guilty for taking so much of your time away from studying. Secondly, you really need to read the first chapters in all of your classes, so this is as good a time as any to start. ------
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