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| LifeNow | June 2006 |
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You Are Not Me - The Root Of All Conflict |
| These 4 simple words truly are the root of every conflict, great and small; from squabbling siblings to marital strife to the Arab-Israeli conflict and the invasion of and subsequent war in Iraq. You cannot possibly know anyone better than you know yourself and no matter how well you might think somebody knows you, there will be areas which remain a mystery. Have you ever said or heard the words: "You know me better than I know myself?" Anyone can be forgiven for feeling that sometimes, but this is not knowing, but perception - undoubtedly very important, but it doesn't get to the root of what makes you and only you, who you are, and the person who thinks that they know you, mind, body and soul, is doing both of you an injustice. Each of us has a private place of varying size. Some of us do not venture into our own space frequently or deeply. So with all the love and the best will in the world, how can anyone know exactly how we tick; how we reach our conclusions; why something upsets us; why the same words will leave us unscathed one day or minute and deeply angry another? There are people with whom we will never be able to bridge the gaps in our understanding, no matter how noble our intentions and how hard we try. But is important to try! The two year old who copied his heroes, the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles, and took a flying kick at my son when he was a similar age, had no idea that this was wrong! What made his mother think simply that "boys will be boys", so what her angel did was OK? If I have not come from a broken, poor home, how can I easily judge the person who desperation or peer pressure turns to a life of crime or violence? Why do people always presume that if they are right, then the person they have a dispute with is wrong? Is there no possibility that from differing starting points, truth itself can have multiple renderings? It is perhaps easier to answer questions on why warring factions cannot see eye to eye. Take Jerusalem. This was the home of Jews until the year 70, when Romans slaughtered many and others ran. We have always considered this our home, spiritually if not physically, and apart the inevitable apologists amongst us, we always will. But how long have Arabs lived there, even if rarely governing themselves? Is this not long enough for them to consider it their home? If not, what claim can anyone other than the various Indigenous American peoples have to the Americas? So what happens when Arabs and Jews sit around a 'peace' table? Each starts the proceedings with the certain knowledge that they are right. With this, comes the conscious or unconscious absolute knowledge that their adversary is wrong. What kind of way is this to start on the road to peace? I know that all ethnicities have their derogatory names for other groups. Some Jews freely label people goy (literally meaning nation) or schvartza (from the German schwatz: black). Many ethnicities have less than flattering terms for us. How can I see what makes a person tick if I attach a negative label on them? How can I value their opinion when I call them a name? I don't like their name for me, yet it is OK for me to have one for them. They are prejudiced while I am merely observing? Even if not really intended to be derogatory, these names divide us. But let us not take this too far! If someone wants to call me a Limey, I take this as a term of affection; just as Brits calling Americans Yank is not divisive except when spoken by those who are otherwise filled with hatred. Who are we to better know what Iraqis, Ecuadorians, Panamanians or Venezuelans want for themselves? Is it culturally or socially compatible for Iraqis to have democracy now? Yet some of us have decided that this is what they want! Just as some people organized 'accidents' that would kill Presidents Roldos and Torrijos of Ecuador and Panama respectively because they were scared of them. Forget about them being loved in their own countries and undoubtedly being champions of their own people. We put our values on them and they came up short, just as President Chavez of Venezuela has. Everything above can be whittled down to the four words of the title: You are not Me. I will be delving further into these powerful words in future postings, each of which will concentrate on one specific area. |
Andy Capaloff About the Author |
