I logged onto the internet this morning with my usual semi-blurred vision from too little sleep, my first cup of coffee depleted by one sip resting comfortably on its warmer next to my keyboard. I loaded Outlook and took another sip of coffee as the email came in.

The first email I read was from a colleague in England. I read it, read it again, and then chuckled. "What a bizarre sense of humor," I thought as I read his words . . .

"Blimey, I can't believe my eyes. Just watching the news regarding terrorist attacks across the USA."

Shaking my head and still chuckling softly to myself, I opened the next email . . .

"The link below will take you to photos of the World Trade Center towers that my nephew took. He is a law student in New York living 18 blocks from the buildings.

God watch over those who have died . . . and let justice prevail with all guilty parties receiving the punishment that meets their cowardly crime."

Like a bolt of lightning striking a brass bell, my sleep-deprived mind was jarred to full consciousness. This email was from a man who I knew had a much subtler sense of humor than most and would never joke about anything like this. I knew instantly that something bad had happened, something involving terrorist and the World Trade Center. I immediately loaded my browser and connected to CNET news. There, my fears were confirmed, the World Trade Center had fallen to a brutal and unconscionable act of madmen.

I'm not at all ashamed to admit I broke into tears when the full realization of the huge loss of life hit me. A wave of myriad emotions washed over me and left me sitting in my chair, limp and stunned, for almost an hour before I was able to compose myself.

Now that my thoughts are somewhat lucid, I will attempt to resolve the internal conflicts which arose, shaking the very core of my personal code of ethics. Please bear with while I use this editorial as an instrument of this internal discussion.

Anger - Find the people responsible for planning this atrocity. Soak those people in gasoline, place them in a steel cargo container, drop a match inside, slam the doors shut and drop the container in the ocean.

Despair - Safety is an illusion. There is nothing we can do to ensure we will not be blown up in an act of terrorism.

Paranoia - We must purchase guns and ammunition and lock ourselves in our basements. No one can be trusted.

Ration - Find the people responsible and try them in a court of law according to judicial procedure.

Fear - When will something like this happen to me or a loved one?

Compassion - I wish I were there to help comfort their friends and family.

Pain - Thousand of deaths in such a short time. I can't imagine the horror, but I can feel it. The screams of thousands as they died will forever echo in my mind.

I've always been a peaceful man, I even changed my surname to show my feelings regarding peace. But I'm not so sure how firm those beliefs are any more, my faith has been shaken. I don't think it's possible for me to turn the other cheek in this instance, nor do I think that would be the best action to take. I don't know what Gandhi or Jesus would say about this, but I can't imagine any reasonable human . . . being able to forgive the people responsible for this horror.

I'm not going to even attempt to suggest a plan to circumvent the possibility of further incidents like this, nor am I going to fall victim to the debilitating belief that there is nothing which can be done. For now, though, I believe I'll light a candle and extend my deepest sympathy to the injured and the loved ones of the dead.