What a wonderful show. That was a beautiful garden and I can do that. As I rise from the trusty couch and survey the back yard for just the right spot.

Ah, over there will be just fine. First we need to take up the sod now where is that shovel? Oh my gosh; how did the ground turn to concrete? The shovel makes a singing sound as it drives at the first section to clear. Two squares are removed and now it is time for some ice water, and to regain normal breathing. phew, so bad out of shape, wondering if legally alive? Oh well, time to sit down and make a viable game plan.

First go next door where that new house is under construction and get four stakes. This is gonna be a small garden for sure. No need to make too much that will go to waist. So now lets drive the stakes. Where did I put that hammer? OK, gee this hammer sings as well when I strike those stakes. The bounce back is dangerous too. Yay that is done, let me stand back and take a long drink while I envision the luscious flora overlaying its canopy and promise of cornucopia to be.

Just need to remove the rest of the sod in this area. That gives me a realistic goal. Well, I can't use the sod for the front yard anymore because it is in shreds now. Time for another rest and cold drink of water. Just need to till the ground real well and it should be ready to plant. Oh great, the belt is dry rotted, among other things the oil, and spark plugs are in desperate need of changing. May as well stop and get some lunch while I am gone too. Gosh I started this at 10am and its 3pm already!

Now where is the spark plug wrench and a 5/16 socket for that belt? That's nice; there goes another piece of hide from a perfectly good knuckle, and it matches the splinter I drove under my nail while pulling sod. OK, everything fixed, now just crank for me. Oops the belt's on backwards #XX%*#! Now CRANK! All right yeah. Lets get this ground chewed up. My, my it just walks across the top of the dirt, hummm; lean on it dude. Look at all those rocks. Let's turn this off and do some hand digging and pulling. It is time for another break.

Mercy all those rocks. Now do your stuff Dirt Monster. Oh yeah just lean on it, lean on it! This is pretty poor soil for planting. It's nice and soft but would not grow a fire ant hill. It is time to go back to the store for some good soil. My goodness 5:30 already, WOW where did the day go? Ten bags of garden soil @ 50lbs a pop. Let's carry it around the house to the garden. Time for another break and breathing of course.

It is getting dark and I need to get this soil broadcasted and tilled under. I think that show on TV saw clowns like me coming. This is more than the glitz and glamour that was portrayed in that gardener show for sure. As I was overcome by the dark, my back yard spot light illuminated the small patch of ground that whipped my crusty ancient self today. Tomorrow we plant the garden.

As I rose from the bed, only parts of me would move without prodding. Today I will plant the strawberries, lettuce, cabbage, broccoli, and onions. All that is necessary is to get my hands to open and close properly.

Finally, all done and it looks marvelous. Let me sit and drink a large glass of lemonade and just muse on my wondrous garden. Lets catch the weather forecast. What! Freezing tonight no, no my precious little plants! I will cover them with plastic. The battle begins and the wind picks up from the North to, oh say 25mph!

The next morning as I wandered close to the window, trying to garner the strength to witness the carnage that the frost had visited upon my little garden, I thought, Did you ever see lettuce that was frozen in the refrigerator? Mush ... now what did that almanac say about waiting for Good Friday?